Why You’re Self-Sabotaging When Life Starts Getting Better (And How to Stop)

How to identify self-sabotage at work and how to rewiring your mind is critical for permanent change.

You’re doing everything right. You’re finally sticking to the morning routine, saying no to the sugar, keeping your promises to yourself. Things are moving in the right direction. You feel proud. Energised. Hopeful.

Then, almost like clockwork you crash.

You binge. You lash out. You stop showing up. You tell yourself you’re tired, it’s too much, maybe now’s not the right time. You retreat. In a matter of days or weeks, you’re right back where you started. Back in the Tool Shed of self-sabotage.

Self-Sabotage is frustrating and confusing when you don't know why it's happening.

Sound familiar? You’re not lazy, broken, or weak. You’re sabotaging because part of you feels unsafe with success. It feels too unfamiliar and the subconscious detects danger.

The Subconscious Seeks Safety, Not Success to End Self-Sabotage

Your subconscious mind is wired for one thing: familiarity. It sees the predictable, even if it’s painful, because it is considered the safest option. When you start moving towards success, love, abundance, or confidence, your internal alarm bells go off: “This isn’t normal… this isn’t you… retreat!”

That’s why the moment you begin to rise, an old pattern pulls you back. Maybe it’s comfort eating, overspending, overthinking, procrastination, or a sudden wave of self-doubt that convinces you to throw in the towel.

This isn’t a personal failure. It’s a subconscious safety mechanism and unless you bring this into awareness, and start to take steps to rewire it, you’ll keep repeating the cycle, most of the time totally unaware of what's happening or why. Some people spend their entire lives here! Stuck.

Why Does This Happen?

Here are a few common reasons:

• Your self-image hasn’t caught up. If you see yourself as someone who’s “always starting over,” your subconscious will act accordingly, bringing you back to square one so the story fits.

• You’re addicted to struggle. If you grew up watching your parents hustle, suffer, or always be in survival mode, success may feel unfamiliar, even wrong. You may subconsciously believe you have to earn your worth through pain.

• Success challenges your tribe. Sabotage is often a way to blend in with our tribe. If your friends, partner, or family aren't growing with you, standing out can trigger subconscious fears of rejection or abandonment.

• You fear who you’ll have to become. Success demands change. Responsibility. Discipline. Boundaries. And even though those things are empowering, they can feel overwhelming, especially if you haven’t had strong models for them.

So How Do You Stop Self-Sabotaging When Things Are Going Well?

Here’s what I teach my clients inside my Sabotage to Success programme:

1. Name the Pattern—And Expect It

The most dangerous sabotage is the kind you don’t see coming. But once you expect the wobble, once you know it’s coming, you don’t fall for it. Success will stir up resistance. Your job isn’t to avoid it. It’s to recognise it, stay calm, and keep going. Consistently applying the tools you have now to re-wire and change so that the 'new' becomes the 'familiar' and the subconscious is relaxed and calm.

2. Rewire Your Subconscious

Your subconscious runs 95% of your behaviour. If you’re not actively reprogramming it, you’re living on autopilot. Through daily repetition, visualisation, hypnosis, and subconscious tools, you can teach your brain a new baseline, one that says:

💬 “Success is safe.”💬 “I can grow and still belong.”💬 “I am allowed to have a beautiful life.”

3. Upgrade Your Identity

You must become the person who no longer needs the old coping mechanisms. Who sees herself differently. Who acts in alignment with her future self, not her past. This takes inner work, but it’s completely possible, even if you’ve been stuck in these patterns for years.

4. Get Regulated

If your nervous system is dysregulated, you won’t be able to hold success, it’ll feel too much, too fast. Tools like breathwork, cold exposure, high-quality food, and digital detoxes support nervous system health and build resilience but only as appropriate to you and your individual needs and where your own stressors kick in. Cold plunges done too much or in times of stress can have the opposite effect for example. Caffeine however is ALWAYS going to be better removed from the diet in the long run and should certainly not be used as a daily crutch.

5. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Here’s what I want you to know more than anything: It’s okay if you wobble. You’re not failing. You’re learning. The most important thing is that you don’t stay in the tool shed for too long. Learn the lesson. Reset. Recommit. The more you do this, the faster the recovery time becomes.

This Is Your Time To Rise

You don’t have to stay stuck in the loop of self-sabotage, frustration, and false starts.

You can become the woman who follows through. Who trusts herself. Who achieves what she sets out to do and feels good doing it.

That’s exactly what we do inside my 12-week coaching experience: Sabotage to Success. This isn’t just another mindset course or self-help download. It’s deep reprogramming. Root-level healing. A total identity and lifestyle upgrade grounded in subconscious work, breathwork, clean living, and the neuroscience of change.

You’ll learn to overcome the exact patterns holding you back. You'll rewire your thoughts and behaviours for good in 90 days and in turn, upgrade your energy, health, and self-worth from the inside out.

Click HERE to check out the full programme and book your free breakthrough call today.

I’ll help you get clear on what’s really keeping you stuck—and whether this work is right for you.

You were never meant to stay small. Let’s change your story.